Taking sometime to take care of me is my usual answer to the question about what I am doing.
I was reminded today that I have become someone who asks for help. At first I felt weird and uncomfortable. Did that make me a bad person?
I wondered about the times I helped people. At least that was how I saw it.
After the divorce things changed. I had been a confident person that enjoyed sharing my blessings. I felt like my cup was overflowing and needed another cup to pass on to others. Even during the separation I was the one helping others without looking for a favor back. I hoped that perhaps without me realizing it others would do the same to me.
Towards the time after my return to Washington my mind changed. It was like I had kept in a lot of emotions like a water ballon filling up. Before I knew it I was emotionally trying to figure out where I was in life.
I would ask questions like where were you when such and such happened. I was still feeling alone and single handedly parenting my son. I knew people loved and supported me. I just needed to let it sink in that I was emotionally in a safe, friendly, and supportive environment.
To this day I am still fighting that feeling that nobody gets me. I still wonder if I will truly be okay. Yes I will need some help to settle, but that is what my support system is for. To positively reinforce me when I feel low self confidence. They remind me how I have blessed other people with my kindness. Most of all that I gave my son a good foundation to start his own life journey.