Lessons

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So I am learning that pasting a picture to gmail mobile does not mean it will show up. Huh go figure. I am also going to post less about my family. I do not realize I am saying anything to offend anyone. Things I post are meant to help or relate to people. I would never hurt anyone intentionally.

Thank you readers, visitors, and followers. Your feedback has been up lifting. Until next time enjoy life one step at a time.

Sara

I love

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💛
My faith.My family.
My friends.
My son.
💚
I love to read books.
I love to write my thoughts.
I love to inspire someone.
I love to show a different side of the world.
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What do you love or love to do?

Emotional Therapy: Writing

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Instead of getting upset I put my energy into writing. Those months in
the shelter taught me something. Do what you love. Well writing has been
my therapy. I started it then when I was scared to death about my
future. Was he going to find me? What was I going to do? Does anyone
care? Most of all was he really going to take my baby from me? I raised
him by myself. Most of things were a need to know basis. I was his wife
didn’t I need to know? It was after that first prenatal appointment that
I realized. It was my job! You do what you got to do just do it! I
remember that trip home. It was than I truly realized I was on my own
from there on. The air was icy with the first silent treatment.

Your situation is different he never hit you. The words rung in my head
for days. I had no idea what they meant. But the words what about them?
I wished I had never forgotten that notebook. It had everything in my
head written down. Never to forget the pregnancy. The first few days of
motherhood. The fight with my mother I wish I never had. Don’t fucking
tell me it is different! "Girl don’t let anyone walk over you." was a
piece of advice given to me. I was a PK in the raw world. I was a
single mother fighting for her pride and title. The worst thing he
could come up with was feeding our son cake for breakfast. What the
hell? I was stunned. I cleaned the house, did laundry, and was a full
time stay at home mom.

Before all of that I was a military spouse. That was an title I never
dreamed of having in my life. It was a lifestyle with a price. I kept my
word till the end. It was either grow old acting like it was normal or
take the divorce card. After things changed I thought I could grin and
bare it all. My body was worn out and my mind afraid of everything like
being left behind for being late. I was far from home, friends, and
everything familiar. Would anyone ever believe me? Would I be judged by
the same community that was kind to me before?

So you see with all this in mind that is why I write. I was prepared for
the haters and mean words. It hurts, but I have heard worse. I left
because of the words and looks. They told me to be strong and live life.
So dammit you need to know that someday these words might help someone
else in my shoes. That same child I cradled has my blood in him too. He
will jump and play like his cousins. I assure you he will have the
blood of his Ethiopian ancestors flowing through his veins. We are a
proud family. His aunts and uncles love him with just an image in their
mind of a sweet energetic loving boy I gave birth to.

Phrases I hear from the Ethiopian community:
"He will come looking for you." "He will ask about his mommy."

Sent from mobile phone.

My phone and I: To app or email.

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When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

After a lot of thinking I am going to do one more post via my IOS app. I started working on it this week. It is already cooking in my creative mind. I feel like everything I write is Creative and Inspiring. Also I want readers to choose to read it by the title not just the tags. If they like it they can share it with others.

I have seen my subscribers and followers grow rapidly. I guess my weblog (as some call it) has made fans out of people. I decided that each hit/view is a blessing. I haven’t shut down my social media or blogs because I feel it’s my way of changing the world. Plus who knows maybe Sara Gamachu will be the next big thing.

A closing personal note. I have had a few months to get my feet back on the floor per say. I have been told that I am improving greatly. To my family I am not mad at any of you. I hope I can let go of my past strings to make a new beginning. I just need to work on my self confidence.

Alan you hurt me really bad. Your last message hurt me worse. I can’t express in words why I haven’t responded. Just know I have given you the best of me, our son.

Sara with an "a"

We all matter. 

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Orlando, Baton Rouge, St. Paul, Dallas. That is all just in the last few weeks. I feel for the people in blue. They put their lives on the line to serve and protect. 

I feel like they are misunderstood by those people who use their power in the wrong way. 

We all matter no matter where we come from. West, North, East, or South on the globe. We are taught to love one another. Treat others the way we want to be treated. 

Let’s love not hate.

Invisible Curves a story about the battle of the bone. Not your ordinary eating disorder

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I have invisible curves. A story of a slender girl trying to be healthy

By Sara Gamachu

I have been skinny all my life. Bullies in 6th grade called me Boney Knobs. I actually hate the words skinny and short. My mom constantly worried about my weight for many years. From the time, I was born in Addis Ababa till we returned almost 3 years ago. The difference is I am happy with my size.

When I was married, I got mixed messages about food. I did not always get the food I was craving during my pregnancy. I was confused if I was entering a new stage of my abnormal eating. One food I enjoyed was eating Lunchables. These delicious small portions of foods were the best thing ever invented. Another meal that I enjoyed was the Smucker’s Peanut Butter and Jelly individual sandwiches, which I thought, were the best way to eat well and enjoy the taste of food. To my dismay, I was told that foods like these were childish and became outlawed from my diet. I was than eating foods that Alan considered normal.

During my pregnancy, I realized how scared I was that my weight could affect the child inside of me. I fell in love with Boost my companion in my battle with the bone. I was told to eat everything on my plate, which was difficult because most meals came in a large and my digestion just was not pleased with that. Taking food home to eat later became a problem because I did not always eat the food in time so why waste the money in doggy bagging it. Can you see the problem I was facing during what should have been the happiest days of my life?

Sometime after we arrived in Holeta, my weight played the yoyo game. When I left the States, I weighed like 115 pounds. It was a weird feeling since the last time I saw that on the scale I was about to have my son. I was told not to stress and eat normally. Within a few months, I was eating and feeling better. A new environment with different food. We ate plenty of organic fruit with various pastas. Plus the regular enjera and wat. I ate as much as I could and got used to things.

It was difficult at first when I craved the comfort food from the States. I discovered that there were equivalents here sold in the supermarkets. Occasionally I would get a container of Pringles in a big or mini size. I soon found out that Hot and Spicy was just that and then some. It made self-control a little better since I was not a spicy food kind of person. So I would stick with eat what you know rule.

Soon my waistline grew with the food I ate. Pasta dinner nights became my favorite. We discovered sliced cheese and other condiments that made my mouth water. I was eating pretty well. When we had traditional food, I kept the spicy ones at a distance. This is unusual because several foods had a kick to it. It is hard to explain that I did not eat it because my stomach would not settle afterwards.

After a while, my appetite grew used to things. I occasionally sample semi hot foods. Problem is sampling leads to eating more. My body let me know it did not agree with that theory. I would than not eat as much due or fear of the battle inside of me. Smaller portions became my new rule.

The fear of falling off the eating disorder wagon would cross my mind. So I change what I eat with the smaller portions. The problem was quantities did not match my portions. The lets not waste food became aware. So I had to choose the norm or my needs.

Even with looks of guilt, I stuck to my rule. It was hard because I knew my body. If it were something I really liked I would eat a lot. I tried to stay relaxed, which helps my digestion. Several times, I apologized for my lack of hunger. Yes, I was a picky eater.

These days I have a feeling my son will be like me slender with lots of energy. My current goal is to work on my muscles and my back. Yeah I had scoliosis that same year I dealt with bullying. Got two iron rods on my spine to keeping me company.

Comments

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  • A huge thank you to everyone commenting. It makes me feel like I am reaching out and getting a hug. 
  • As I read the comments on the blogs I can see I am making a difference.
  • Since my divorce I deal with a weight of emotional baggage. I just want to be a map for others. I am blazing a trail for the next generation.

ADD and me.

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I am proud of it. It is a part of me. It was my shield in a scary point of my life. It teaches me to look at the world differently. Others might think it is in my head. I try to laugh it off because their ignorance is actually the truth. 

I embrace it because it makes me unique. Though it can be burdensome, but hey that is alright. With the right support I can be anybody with a twist. Even though I talk fast it’s something I am born with. I guess you can say I have a need for speed because speed it’s a part of me. 

Shared:  Stillness

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I read this post and it spoke to me. I felt like Sarah D. was reading my mind.

@saragamachu

When you want nothing more than to give up, don’t. If you never read another word, listen to another lyric, or feel another poem, at least know this. Don’t give up. Find your solace, that stillness in your heart and your mind, and let it fill you to the brim. Let everything else out. If that means crying harder than […]

https://thesarahdoughty.wordpress.com/2016/06/18/stillness-2/