Invisible Curves a story about the battle of the bone. Not your ordinary eating disorder

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I have invisible curves. A story of a slender girl trying to be healthy

By Sara Gamachu

I have been skinny all my life. Bullies in 6th grade called me Boney Knobs. I actually hate the words skinny and short. My mom constantly worried about my weight for many years. From the time, I was born in Addis Ababa till we returned almost 3 years ago. The difference is I am happy with my size.

When I was married, I got mixed messages about food. I did not always get the food I was craving during my pregnancy. I was confused if I was entering a new stage of my abnormal eating. One food I enjoyed was eating Lunchables. These delicious small portions of foods were the best thing ever invented. Another meal that I enjoyed was the Smucker’s Peanut Butter and Jelly individual sandwiches, which I thought, were the best way to eat well and enjoy the taste of food. To my dismay, I was told that foods like these were childish and became outlawed from my diet. I was than eating foods that Alan considered normal.

During my pregnancy, I realized how scared I was that my weight could affect the child inside of me. I fell in love with Boost my companion in my battle with the bone. I was told to eat everything on my plate, which was difficult because most meals came in a large and my digestion just was not pleased with that. Taking food home to eat later became a problem because I did not always eat the food in time so why waste the money in doggy bagging it. Can you see the problem I was facing during what should have been the happiest days of my life?

Sometime after we arrived in Holeta, my weight played the yoyo game. When I left the States, I weighed like 115 pounds. It was a weird feeling since the last time I saw that on the scale I was about to have my son. I was told not to stress and eat normally. Within a few months, I was eating and feeling better. A new environment with different food. We ate plenty of organic fruit with various pastas. Plus the regular enjera and wat. I ate as much as I could and got used to things.

It was difficult at first when I craved the comfort food from the States. I discovered that there were equivalents here sold in the supermarkets. Occasionally I would get a container of Pringles in a big or mini size. I soon found out that Hot and Spicy was just that and then some. It made self-control a little better since I was not a spicy food kind of person. So I would stick with eat what you know rule.

Soon my waistline grew with the food I ate. Pasta dinner nights became my favorite. We discovered sliced cheese and other condiments that made my mouth water. I was eating pretty well. When we had traditional food, I kept the spicy ones at a distance. This is unusual because several foods had a kick to it. It is hard to explain that I did not eat it because my stomach would not settle afterwards.

After a while, my appetite grew used to things. I occasionally sample semi hot foods. Problem is sampling leads to eating more. My body let me know it did not agree with that theory. I would than not eat as much due or fear of the battle inside of me. Smaller portions became my new rule.

The fear of falling off the eating disorder wagon would cross my mind. So I change what I eat with the smaller portions. The problem was quantities did not match my portions. The lets not waste food became aware. So I had to choose the norm or my needs.

Even with looks of guilt, I stuck to my rule. It was hard because I knew my body. If it were something I really liked I would eat a lot. I tried to stay relaxed, which helps my digestion. Several times, I apologized for my lack of hunger. Yes, I was a picky eater.

These days I have a feeling my son will be like me slender with lots of energy. My current goal is to work on my muscles and my back. Yeah I had scoliosis that same year I dealt with bullying. Got two iron rods on my spine to keeping me company.

Comments

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  • A huge thank you to everyone commenting. It makes me feel like I am reaching out and getting a hug. 
  • As I read the comments on the blogs I can see I am making a difference.
  • Since my divorce I deal with a weight of emotional baggage. I just want to be a map for others. I am blazing a trail for the next generation.

ADD and me.

Chat

I am proud of it. It is a part of me. It was my shield in a scary point of my life. It teaches me to look at the world differently. Others might think it is in my head. I try to laugh it off because their ignorance is actually the truth. 

I embrace it because it makes me unique. Though it can be burdensome, but hey that is alright. With the right support I can be anybody with a twist. Even though I talk fast it’s something I am born with. I guess you can say I have a need for speed because speed it’s a part of me. 

Shared:  Stillness

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I read this post and it spoke to me. I felt like Sarah D. was reading my mind.

@saragamachu

When you want nothing more than to give up, don’t. If you never read another word, listen to another lyric, or feel another poem, at least know this. Don’t give up. Find your solace, that stillness in your heart and your mind, and let it fill you to the brim. Let everything else out. If that means crying harder than […]

https://thesarahdoughty.wordpress.com/2016/06/18/stillness-2/

What a milestone!

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Deadicated to Gideon. You are my pride and joy.

Your mom

I just saw a notification from WordPress about my anniversary! Five years of blogging. Wow! I started this blog to journal my life being a Stay At Home Mom juggling my new lifestyle. I posted a rare picture of my son looking out the window as his dad drove to work. It was also my way of expressing the inner thoughts of my life.

When I separated from his father, I left my writing days as I stayed in a woman’s shelter with my son. The silence mask I wore in my 2 year marriage hid the scars of emotional and verbal abuse. I was living in a city far from home with nobody to turn to. In my state of shock from stress and anxiety I packed a weeks worth of clothes for my son and I.  It took 3 long months to find a place to start over. I had to work hard to prove I was still a mother who could continue to take care of her child even in difficult circumstances.

Now 5 years later I am writing my story and getting my feet wet in the blogging community. I am a long distance mother who prays for the safety of her guys. Hoping someday to look back and smile at each milestone she makes.

Cheetos go crunch!

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I remember over the years how the Cheetos cheetah commercials rolled out on tv screen. Every flavor had its own personality weather it was Hot & Spicy or Jalapeño you got the same cheddar taste with a little extra kick to it.

Well on Sunday low and behold at the supermarket displayed small bags of chips waiting to be purchased. I didn’t care if they were made abroad. I needed that savory taste of home.

Getting the Cheetos was a no brainier. The first memory that came to mind was chatting with my son via Google Hangout and watching him eat a bag of Cheetos. Being a total mom I asked him for a chip. Naturally he handed me one. It made my heart just burst with joy.

I got 3 bags of chips to last me the week. The cheddar in the Cheetos was so good I was happy for the rest of the ride home. My parents even joined in the snack time. Fresh, cheesy, and superb! That’s my snack review for this week. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did eating and writing.

Bon appetite!

Eating Tango Potato Chips.

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Last weekend I decided some salty treats. You read about Lay’s now here is a new one. Tango Potato chips. It is locally manufactured in Ethiopia. It had two distinct flavors to choose from. I decided Spanish Tomato Ketchup would be different and unique.

When you open the bag the sounds of snacks from around the globe come together. I shared this treat with my parents eagerly. You can taste the ketchup instantly. The shades of ruby color hit your sense of sight. The waves of the fanlike ridges were intense. I was impressed. So was my mother. I wished there was more product though because it was that good. All in all Tango you took my snacking breath away!

May 25th

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I really must be getting used to my environment. My allergies are finally behaving. Now to work on my sleep habits and stomachaches. It has to be stress related how else would I feel like a tight belt pulled around my waist. I weigh 120.5 pounds so I am not too below average. I am reading a book by Dr. Daniel Amen about a magnificent mind. My mom recommend it saying it would save my life. That is exactly what I am doing. Restart my life.

Eating Lay’s Potato Chips abroad.

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Dear Lay’s Arabia:

Thank you for being an International brand. I tried your French Cheese potato chips today. It had a light cheesy taste to it. It was delightful and mouthwatering. I noticed the bag was inflated and was unsure of the product amount. It had just the right amount of chips in it. This is my second time to try your product while traveling abroad. I am looking forward to trying other flavors.

Sincerely a grateful consumer,

Molly S.

Taking off the healing bandage.

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Yes all I am still here. I took a blogging break due to writing block and needing a mental pause on life.

I even stopped my writing project about my Extrodinary Life that I started in January. I have had stomach issues related from tension that has wiped me out. The rainy season has not been continuous so my body was not taking it well. Waking up with the chills is not fun. Down right annoying. The best part is I am on new medicine that gives me energy and stamina. My hormones have been in check and helped by this one. I am feeling much better.

I started reading The Message version of the Bible. It is like getting the whole picture and understanding it. I also got 4 classical books on my iBooks library. I am reading The Scarlet Letter. Oh my gosh it speaks to me. I can relate to Hester.

Finally I feel like I am starting my life over.